Adults show patterns of attachment to their romantic partners similar to the attachment of children to their parents. About 50% of the population according to “Attachment theory” are Secure, usually warm and loving and feel comfortable with intimacy, while about 25% are Avoidants who equate intimacy with loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. 20% are Anxious and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back and often preoccupied with their relationships and crave intimacy. The rest 5% is both Anxious and Avoidant.
Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness. –Seneca
Attachment Theory:
- In prehistoric times, being close to a partner was a matter of life and death
- The Attachment System(behaviours, emotions) was developed to treat such proximity as an absolute necessity
- Humans have been preprogrammed by evolution to single out a few specific individuals in our lives and make them precious
- Based on the assertion that the need to be in close relationships is embedded in genes
- Genetic Selection favoured people who became attached because it provided a survival advantage
- The need to be near someone special is important, and the brain has a biological mechanism responsible for creating and regulating our connection with our attachment figure
- Bred to be dependent on a significant other
- Ensure that we remain safe and protected by staying close to our loved ones
- Evolutionary – Emotional brain was handed down by homo sapiens who lived in a different era
- Heterogeneity – Humans are a very heterogeneous species, varying greatly in appearance, attitude and behaviour
- Feelings and behaviors in relationships today are not different from our ancestors
Love is not about possession, love is about appreciation. – Marcus Aurelius on the Nature of Love
Attachment styles are the way people deal with conflict, their attitude toward sex and their expectations from their partner and relationship. The view of intimacy and togetherness, and the ability to communicate wishes and needs.
The theory is a reliable way to understand and predict people’s behaviour in any romantic situation as “humans are programmed to act in a predetermined manner”. The ‘initial assumption’ of attachment styles is primarily a product of upbringing as its origin and influence among genes and life experiences – The determination by the way you were cared for as a baby.
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. – Seneca on Challenges in Relationships