What are boundaries?

They are structures that support a healthy, productive life. They define you, show where you begin and end. What’s you and what’s not you. They lead a sense of ownership. They may be seen or unseen. Necessary and helpful. Boundaries exist and affect you, whether or not you communicate them.

Examples of boundaries:

  • Skin
  • Words – Yes/No
  • Physical Distance
  • Emotional Distance – Temporary boundary, not a permanent way of living
  • Time – Way to regain ownership
  • Personal truth
  • Other people – You don’t exist in a vacuum, boundaries define you in relation to others.

Boundaries are not walls. You need to have gates to let the good in, and bad out.

The idea of boundary has a religious sense in different aspects such as historical and theological. Although I am not many fans learning from this model since it can easily go downhill to dogmatism. But it’s a very good model and explained well in the book Boundaries.

Examples whats within boundaries:

  • Internal limits 
  • Values
  • Choices
  • Thoughts
  • Attitude and beliefs
  • Behaviors
  • Love and Desires – Though many desires masquerade as the real thing

People with boundary problems often come from dysfunctional families since childhood. Like an alien from another planet comes to visit earth. He might end up in jail or killed very fast, oblivious of why. He is not familiar with proper and healthy interacting. He may have good intentions but still doesn’t know that he needs to pay the bill after eating Shawarma.

Developing boundaries requires:

  • Consequences – you need barbs for fences
  • Inner Emotional security
  • Support social network
  • Identification of symptom and conflict
  • Practice
  • Saying no
  • Communication – verbally and action

Setting boundaries is crucial for maturity.  They will cause hurt to others but will filter the harm. Like a dentist who hurt to remove the tooth, but does not harm.

Share & Subscribe

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *