Connecting with the Other

Who is the other?

You probably know the people who “get you” and understand you and your lifestyle and relate to you, and those who are not – The Other.

The other vs. the same are psychological concepts, that we use to view our world. It is a tendency we have, and it is usually helpful to protect us from threats and stick with people who support us. 
In Order to connect emotionally with people, you need to help them see you are the same.

It is important to remember that prior to this endeavor, a strong sense of self is a prerequisite, necessary, and is found in solitude and loneliness – that you feel you have a place in the world, with goals, desires, and a purpose – Taking the necessary actions towards them.  Which in our modern society with its social structures is increasingly hard to achieve. You don’t want to lose yourself and your uniqueness in the process.

Much more genius is needed to make love than to command armies. ― Ninon de L’Enclos

Connecting conversation: 

• Evolving and flowing
• Be present and engaged – Focus on the other 
• Active Listening and relating back 
• Playful – Don’t paint yourself as perfect – we are all imperfect and flawed creatures
• Slow – Movement and talk
• Storytelling:
  • Combination of tonality, facial expression, and mood at each moment
  • Keep a sense of mystery. Add pauses 
  • Snap people out of boredom
  • Tell the story as if you are living it and try to make others feel like you felt
  • Involve the other – Talk with them, not at them
  • Story Format: 
    • Introduction: Characters/environment 
    • Development: Main struggles and obstacles
    • Climax: Turning point
    • Resolution: The “come-down” and the impact
• Topics:
  • Focused on the emotional
    • Experiences, dreams, motivations, and passions
  • Each topic has a lifespan – Avoid to surpass – and weave through multiple topics 
  •  Are not universally relatable – make it specific to the other 
• A balanced mix of questions: Allow the other to open up and talk about things they care about and themselves. Research shows that talking about ourselves activates pleasure centers that are associated with food and money. 
  • Short-Answer:
    • Necessary in the beginning 
    • Economize and be careful of interview mode
  • Open-ended
    • Digging deeper – Why/How 
• Mindsets: Foundations that dictate your thoughts and eventually your results and actions 
  • Abling you to react calmly and efficiently in unfamiliar situations 
  • Responsible: Allows you to focus on what you need to improve 
    • For outcome, circumstances, and your life.
• Flirting: 
  • Essential with the desired other and is the way to arouse interest and romance
  • Witty, quick, and fun
  • For the sexually desired, you must implicitly and subtlely build sexual undertones
  • Teasing: You should be enjoying yourself and not trying to impress 
    • Absurdity – The art of taking a normal topic and making it ridiculous, fun, and playful 
    • Playfully stereotype, mock and disagree 
  • Prize position
    • Occasionally insinuate and twist, so it is seen the other is trying to arouse you
  • Baiting: Causes the other to put effort into finding who you are 
    • Subtly open mental loops, that make the other think and ask himself about you – without impressing nor focusing on them
    • Reciprocity: Humans have a tendency to return favors and pay back, including the pressure to talk about topics